An Always has, Always is, and Always will be..

good girls

2010-09-13T18:14:00.001+08:00

Majority of girls improve their looks, NOT their minds. Because they know that some boys are stupid, not blind.

2010-07-25T16:02:00.000+08:00

"It's amazing how someone can break your heart
and you can still love them with all the little pieces."

2010-07-21T20:25:00.000+08:00

‎"We ignore our friends and families so we can save other people's friends and families. Which means that, at the end of the day, all we really have is ourselves. And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that."

colles fracture

2010-03-26T21:10:00.005+08:00

I introduce you to colle's fracture!
a transverse fracture of the distal radius.

and of course my succesful traction and splinting.

I really hope it will heal perfectly.

I think i just found my passion in orthopedic surgery.

Ecclesisastes 1 :12-18

2010-03-26T21:05:00.002+08:00

12 I, the Teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem.

13 I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy burden God has laid on men!

14 I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

15 What is twisted cannot be straightened;
what is lacking cannot be counted.

16 I thought to myself, "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge."

17 Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.

18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.

God heed my cries

2010-03-26T20:10:00.004+08:00

This is easter time and i've passed a long way since the easter bunny and egg hunting and coloring. This year has been a very depressing year for me and so just like any mere human..or a jerk.. i turn to God.

but the first question i asked my self is how can i find God?

don't get me wrong..i'm no hypocrites, and i know exactly why God stopped talking to me even in my deepest solitude. i can't find God because the almighty decided not to talk to me no more.

So i decided this year that i will try to aced the duty of fasting and abstinence as best as i could. Usually in catholic the fasting is done in different ways than the moslem fasting. It's only mandatory in ash wednesday and good friday, the rest of the fridays are abstinence mandatory only and not fasting.

the rules are simple but hard at the same time.."avoid pleasure, and eat a full course meal once a day" that's the rule no less, no more.

why is it simple? because there's not much rule in it, but the interesting part is that why is it hard? because there are many weakness in that simple rule and may give room to the biggest,hardest,toughest, meanest enemy of men..our heart.

sure I can always do it the simple way like most people do like don't eat any meat(you can narrow it down to beef,pork and chicken so that fish is still legal or shrimp or whatever) and eat a full course meal once per 24 hours but with snack every once in a while. And no it's not cheating because the rules don't say so..but sometimes people forgot that there's nobody in this world can judge your fasting and abstinence but yourself. I used to do it just like that..but not this year..this year i'm trying to hear the "rules" made by my awareness.

I decided to go a little extreme by fasting every wednesday and friday and i don't eat any meat in any form just rice and vegetables..or in somedays i only eat rice and instant noodles once a day. I don't drink any other than water. I dont eat snacks in anyform (chocolate,peanuts,candy etc). and you know what I haven't found what i'm looking for..but i found something else..

I found that my mind is treacherous and my heart is rebellious.

During fasting and abstinence, sometimes you loose control of yourself..i think it's because of the hypoglycemic state plus the pain in hypogastric area because of gastric ulcer (i'm pretty sure that my stomach is ulcerated because of this).

I shit you not, I can actually hear treacherous voices inside my head that's telling me to eat a little snack..because it's not against the "rules", or voices that tells me to give up..or voices that tells me that i'm stupid for torturing myself like this..i actually did hold a candy or a chocolate bar while thinking of this.. and consider to "bend" the rules..the voices won't stop even during the break of the fast..there's still voices that tells me that after fasting i deserve a little meat as a reward.

But aside from the voices, i feel like somehow i can feel a little of God's presence that my heart had long for sometimes.

the pain in a way makes me more aware..I realize that humans are a weak being..and we're so far apart from God in many ways because of our heart and mind who are tainted by this world pleasures..and as crazy and pathetic as it sounds by denying myself like this i hope God someday will have mercy on me and finally talked to me again like he used to in my prayers or in my state of solitude.

but there's still a week to go so fingers crossed. (>_<)

So7

2010-02-16T09:46:00.001+08:00

the music kinda sucks..but the lyrics is somewhat true for me right now..she's probably asking the same thing right now..and i still hope that she'll make the right decision for her.. and here's my first post writen in bahasa indonesia.

Seberapa pantaskah kau untuk ku tunggu?
Cukup indahkah dirimu untuk selalu ku nantikan?
Mampukan kau hadir dalam setiap mimpi burukku?
Mampukah kita bertahan di saat kita jauh..?

Seberapa hebat kau 'tuk ku banggakan?
Cukup tangguhkah dirimu untuk selalu ku andalkan?
Mampukan kau bertahan dengan hidupku yang malang?
Sanggupkah kau menyakinkan di saat aku bimbang..

Celakanya...
Hanya kaulah yang benar-benar aku tunggu,
Hanya kaulah yang benar-benar memahamiku,
Kau pergi dan hilang ke mana pun kau suka

Celakanya...
Hanya kaulah yang pantas untuk kubanggakan,
Hanya kaulah yang sanggup untuk aku andalkan,
Di antara pedih aku slalu menantimu..

Seberapa hebat kau 'tuk kubanggakan?
Cukup tangguhkah dirimu untuk selalu ku andalkan?
Mampukah kau bertahan dengan hidup ku yang malang?
Sanggupkah kau menyakinkan di saat aku bimbang?

Mungkin kini kau t'lah menghilang tanpa jejak,
Mengubur semua indah kenangan,
Tapi aku slalu menunggumu di sini,
Bila saja kau berubah pikiran

500 days of summer

2010-02-07T03:20:00.004+08:00

i can't sleep tonight..
all because that i'm going home in any time soon to meet someone that i care deeply and because my head keeps rewinding this anti romantic movies where the mindset of the boy are exactly like i did.. but proven that we are wrong.
damn i loved this movie and hated it at the same time..not because it was a bad movie, but because it's a great movie and i kind of feel what he feels exactly and afraid that the ending will not be so good for me as in the movie.

this part of the conversation that i hate the most..

Tom : You never wanted to be|anybody's girlfriend, and now you're somebody's wife.
Summer : Surprised me too.
Tom : I don't think I'll ever|understand that.I mean,|it doesn't make sense.
Summer : It just happened.
Tom : Right, but that's what I don't|understand. What just happened?
Summer : I just- I just woke up one day,|and I knew.
Tom : Knew what?
Summer : What I was never sure of with you.

Tom : *grinning* You know what sucks? Realizing that everything you believe|in is complete and utter bullshit.It sucks.
Summer : What do you mean?
Tom : Uh, you know, destiny,|and soul mates, and true love,and all that childhood|fairy tale nonsense...
Summer : You were right.I should have listened to you.
Tom : No.
Summer : Yeah I should.
Tom : What? What are you smiling at? What are you looking at me|like that for?
Summer : Well, you know, I guess it's 'cause I was sitting in a deli and reading Dorian Gray and a guy comes up to me and asks me about it and... now he's my husband.
Tom : Yeah. And... so?
Summer : So, what if I'd gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I'd gotten there 10 minutes later? It was - it was meant to be. And... I just kept thinking... Tom was right.
Tom : No.
Summer : Yeah, I did.
[laughs]
Summer : I did. It just wasn't me that you were right about.

but I'm not crazy..this is just one of my little travel to the dark side of the moon.

so thx to mr snake for bringing this up.. *finger* (with 4 of my extremities)

Daido Juku Kudo

2010-02-03T23:10:00.004+08:00

Daido Juku, also known as Daidojuku(大道塾) and Kudo(空道), is a martial arts organization founded in 1981 by Azuma takahashi.

Daidojuku literally translated means "The Great Path".

One of the fundamental goals of Daidojuku being the creation of a versatile and realistic fighting style without compromising safety, Azuma created a style which incorporated various offensive as well as defensive techniques which includes punches to the head, elbow strikes, head butts, throws, jointlocks and other standup and ground fighting techniques.

after kyokushin, this is it..

2010-02-03T19:59:00.003+08:00

"My limit is when my heart stopped beating"

-wongkymd-

Derawan island trip report

2010-02-02T16:10:00.019+08:00

Hey world! I have return from one of the most amazing island in Indonesia.
I look a little bit shining in this photo since i cover the sun behind my back

It's on derawan Island, of east kalimantan. Derawan Island is a very small island with a little number of population called the dayak bajau, whose accent are very similar to the bugis ethnics.

Derawan Map

To get to derawan Island I have to drive a 9 hours ride from the malinau district. I stopped for gas and provision in tanjung selor-bolongan district, and went straight to tanjung batu sea port in berau district. The road is quite rough but not impossible to pass with an SUV like the toyota Kijang or Avanza. But just in case, I take the Mitsubhisi 4WD strada as my ride of choice.

We arrived at tanjung batu at 18.00. I was quite exhausted and started to wonder whether this trip is worth the time or not, because it's just like any ordinary port with a little amount of ships. they say that this is where the Indonesian sailing athletes is trained, but i don't see any since the beach was getting dark. After a while, our small 5 seater speedboad arrived and the man that will take us around is called mr.bachri who is a very nice, punctual, descent man and unlike any other tour guide he's not so money oriented and he can guarantee our safety since he is the village chief.

Derawan Village.
a cozy place to live in

the ship on the other hand was small and not quite well build, but after all it's proven to be a very quite strong little boat it's called the fajar V.When you arrived at sundown apparently the wave is very big, I mean very big compared to the boat that is. it took us 25 minutes of a quite horor ride to derawan island but thankfully we survived the trip.

The fajar V a small but tough ride
The man wearing the green shirt is mr bachri

The derawan island is a beautiful place, the shallow sea extent for miles until it became deep sea. You can see turtles passing by with the help of the moonlight in the clear sky.

The shallow sea of derawan incase you're wondering
you can actually see the bottom of the sea i estimate it about 6-7 meters deep.

O yeah I can't really take pictures because i haven't bought my nikon d5000 and cannot borrow mr bunhead Lumix FZ35. So all i got with me is a 7MP canon ixus i7 with no charger!(a friend who owns this deliberately leaves the charger at home because he think it's heavy) so it's only limited to a small amount of shots so i have to make the shot counts. btw the camera sucks at low light so i decided not to take many night pictures.

starving we decided to eat dinner at the place called April's resto (it's more like a warteg than a restaurant) where they served a grilled fish. I ordered a 300 g white fish(my favorite fish) eat it with all you can eat rice and the home made sambal, which i find is very tasty, so I decided to "steal" the secret of the sambal and latter will put it in my blog gyahaha.. ... ehm.. anyway.. we decided to take the "lesatari 2" seaside inn because it's an affordable 2 bed room with inside bathroom and an Air conditioning system, and we crash our first day there to be ready for tomorrow sea adventure.

Dinner at Derawan cafe
the ixus i7 ISO sucks!

The derawan island is quite dirty because of the population, but still is far much better than ancol in every corner. I had think that this is as beautiful as a beach can be..but i was wrong..damn wrong.

first thing in the morning we decided to go to kakaban island. and after a rainy 45 minutes trip with our mighty-small-speedboat we finally get to kakaban island.

Welcome to paradise.

at Kakaban wharf sitting alone.
I swear no photoshop in this picture ,or any other if you're wondering

and i can only be amazed of the beautiness of the island.. there are no humans living in this area so we have to bring our own porvision here meaning fresh water and food.

Low tide in kakaban beach

The island have a unique lake inside the center of the island where It contains a humongous amount of jellyfish (If you're wandering what the jellyfish look like, watch spongebob squarepants)

Lake inside kakaban island

it's unique because even though it's a closed lake and have no direct acces to the sea, it contains sea water, and the jellyfish is somehow not poisonous.. it's said because there are no predators there so the jellyfish don't really have to defend itself. and this is my first snorkeling sight seeing it is very eirie because you are swimming on a huge amount of jellyfish all around, i mean you can practically touch the jellyfish but it still feels like a threat when swimming amongst many. there are many fish there but only on a small variety.

My footstep

after lunch with fried chicken and rice, and resting for a while I decided to go to the open sea to swim and see the coral reefs. It took me 4 minutes to swim slowly because the coral reefs is very sharp, and if i'm not careful i will get lots of cuts on my body (it did cut my stomach skin quite nasty).

Coral reefs of kakaban

i manage to get to the place where the sea is deep enough about 1-2 meters deep to finally enjoy the view. and it was..very beautiful. I cannot describe to you how beautiful it is to see all kinds of fish there. I even see a small shark and catch a giant squid.

what i saw was more beautiful than this actually..

O yeah my tips for snorkeling here is don't get to far into the middle of the ocean except if you're accompanied by a good swimmer because when you get to the end of the coral reefs it's directly goes to the open sea and it's very scary there trust me I went there alone. but i can't really give you pictures because it needs an underwater cam like mr ape's sanyo xacti.

Snorkeling site
this is as far as i dare to go

after sometimes of sight seeing catching some sea fish and hunting squids, we decided to walk on the white sand beach while waiting the high tide.

Our Giant squid catch.
Knock it out cold with the stick in my hand gyahaha..

Kakaban beach untainted

because apparently at 12-13.00 it's the time of a low tide so the ship is stuck at the wharf.

about 15.15 when the tide had risen, the trip continue for about 25 minutes to sangalaki island, the most beautiful beach i have ever seen, and also the island where turtles lay their eggs. This is a closed beach where every people who visited there must report to the turtle foundation, because apparently people loves to eat turtle egg and steal it from sangalaki island even though the turtles are an endangered species. there are no point on snorkeling here so i decided just to swim around. it's like swimming on a how-far-can-you-swim swimming pool It was a clean, shallow, huge, but calm water. it's heaven.

My own personal sea-pool
wondering how much it'll cost to make this kinda pool hum..

but don't go to far though because you can meet some manta ray fish, and it's big(seriously) and have a poisonous tail. I had seen one and decided to swim like hell to the shore. after that it's just photo time, the clear sky, blue sea, white sand it's exactly the place where you made wallpapers for your desktop.

Sangalaki wallpaperish beach 1
Proves the "man behind the gun theory" or the scene is just too heavenly?

Sangalaki wallpaperish beach2
Proves the "man behind the gun theory" or the scene is just too heavenly?

and i shit you not this was the original pictures taken with an ixus i7, imagine what i can take with a d5000 and variable lens.

Sangalaki wallpaperish beach 3
Proves the "man behind the gun theory"

after that we return to derawan island to rest and eat. O yeah that night we decided to eat lobsters for dinner. yeah the so called expensive lobster apparently is cheap here. but the locals can't cook it so it taste no more like a shrimp, but it was worth the experience.

Lobsters for dinner
"Lobster" = the expensive shrimp

after that we called it a day and rest to prepare for the trip back home tomorow.

first thing in the morning I decided to swim around derawan island just to see some more fish, but there are not much beauty to see around derawan island except the turtles. and i swear to god i saw a turtle as big as myself while i was snorkeling around derawan island. But the view was nothing compared to kakaban and sangalaki. Derawan had 2 snorkeling place and it's on the sea near the BMI hotels (which the room rate was higher than ours), and the derawan cafe. the view was not that good, but can sufice the first timer snorkeler.

BMI snorkeling site and the best fishing site
"look at the sky"

but the best thing here in derawan is not it's snorkilng sites but Fishing sites. When fishing here, you are guaranteed (i shit you not) to get fish even with a banana bait, apparently the sea fish eat almost everything. so to all of you who are a fishing freak you should bring you fishing gear with you. or you can just sit near the bay and enjoy the sunset with some fried calamary.

Me enjoying sunset in Derawan cafe with some delicious calamari

There are no gift shop here in derawan island. But there are some craftswomen who sells key chain, wristband, earrings, rings that's made out of turtle shell. They also sells some polyester t-shirt. since i found it uninteresting and the price is unreasonably high so it's pointless for me to buy them but it's entirely up to you if it suits your taste then buy some.

A proof that a swivel lcd is an advantage
if you want to take self pictures like this with timers

you can always buy a lobster to bring back home, it's well packed and given a pure oxygent so it'll survive almost 8-12 hours ride home. or if you like whitefish, you can always buy the fish at the fishmonger, don't forget to buy the stereofoam case and the ice beforehand to bring the fish.

The lobster
The only advantage of using the ixus is the lens can "peek" through the fishnet.

Finally When the sea tide had risen to shore we decided that it's time to head back to malinau. But it's already to dark when we arrived at tanjung batu so we decided to crash in at tanjung redeb, berau. apparently this is a lively town with many people, foods, music, and of course women. so some of my friends decided to have some fun in this town and get lucky. thank God i can endure the temptation and decided just to sit at the bar, drink some beer and watched some sexy dancer, and decided to call it a night at 00.01 AM after Texting my my mom happy birthday. next thing in the morning we continue our trip back to malinau via tanjung selor to buy some fruits, like the durians, dukus,lengkengs, cempedaks and lays. it's insanely..i mean freakingly insanely cheap.. because it's that time of the year called fruit season.

Malinau-derawan trip crews

as a conclusion, the derawan island is only a place to crash the night and look for supplies, you can always fish there if you like, the view is good, the inn is good, the food is great and the weather is quite friendly. There's no point of going to derawan if you don't plan to go to another island like kakaban and sangalaki. It's a very..very romantic place for honeymoon if you would spend more money of course than when you're still a happy-go-lucky single. but the best part is that it's insanely cheap if you go there from malinau it only cost me 600K rupiahs all in.

I Miss U everyday, everywhere
I hope you read this

I'm planning to go there in the near future hopefully with someone who i would love to hold hands with...
or
with some good friends like mr bunhead,mr bald eagle,mr snake, mr ape, will be sufice for the time being considering my plan on buying the nikon d5000 =P so fingers crossed.

*) the price estimation

Gas Rp.600.000,-/group
speedboat + tip Rp.1.200.000,-/group (450k to derawan + 800 trip)
"Lestari 2" seaside Inn(2 bed) Rp. 150.000,-/night
snorkling gear + flipper Rp. 50.000,-/person
april's resto grilled white fish Rp. 25.000,-/person
calamari + rice Rp. 28.000,-/person
canned milo Rp. 10.000,-/can
ice water *free*
fried chicken+rice Rp. 25.000,-/person
1,5 L aqua Rp. 6.000,-/person
lobster + cooking price Rp. 150.000,- per Kg + Rp.25.000,-
t shirt Rp. 75.000,-
key chain Rp. 10.000,-
wristband, rings, earings Rp. 10.000,-
room at berau plasa hotel Rp. 170.000,-/night
berau prostitute Rp. 900.000 for 3 hours
beer bintang Rp.40.000,-/bottle
fruits Rp.7000-10.000 perkg or per fruit(durians and lays)

Some tips:

Go to derawan when the tide is low (when it's not raining season) in april-june.
Go during the low season.
Try to arrive at tanjung batu at 15.00-16.00 or 8.00-9.00 so you can arrived at derawan while it was not on low tide.
don't drive at night.
please don't buy the turtle egg and eat it.
Buy a sunblock or you'll regret it.
Go to other island beside derawan, it's worth the time, risk and money.
bring your cellphone the signal is practically everywhere, and don't forget to buy some plastic wrap just incase you know your boat turned upside down.
bring a waterproof bag.
BUT ABOVE ALL BRING YOUR CAMERA and THE GODDAMN CHARGER.

o yeah if you're wandering to go to derawan from jakarta i'll try to give you the estimation:

mandala air JKT-Balikpapan Rp. 400.000,-
batavia air Balikpapan-tanjung redeb(berau) Rp.400.000,-
Berau-tanjung batu by taxi (Rp.50.000,-/ person or 300.000,- /per car)
or a speedboat ride from tarakan to berau for Rp. 150.000,-/person

but this fare estimation is all accord to promotion and low/high season.

"My one step in seeing the marvels of the world"

THE WONGKY'S RICA-RICA CHICKEN CUISINE

2010-01-26T21:22:00.014+08:00

Ok to embrace my latest passion I'll try to share this recipe with you guys. But I can't really find the term for the spice so i'll use the name in bahasa indonesia (any correction in the name of the spices is very welcome). And on the pictures you'll see many pictures of my hand i use it you know as scale helper so you don't wonder how big the onions are, or the ginger size because frankly i don't scale them into weight maybe latter if i have the time.

Todays cooking theme will be called ayam rica-rica, it's a very spicy, and hot kind of chicken cuisine. And a very tasty one for my taste. But the main reason that i choose this cuisine is because it's relatively easy to be made. so here it goes, cross your finger everyone >_<

first prepare the ingridients

1. about 250 g of Chicken breast

best cut in cubical shape of 2x2x1,5 cm. the chopping is very scary it's like gambling on your fingers..i hate this phase.

the chicken is raw, but you can always deep fried them first if you like to marinate the chicken beforehand, but the taste is not as good as if you were using the method i used here. because the spices won't be absorbed that well in the fried chicken meat. O yeah and there's no rule about what part of the chicken you should use, I like chicken breast better, but you can use the thigh if you prefer to.

2. the spices

you need 10 spices to make a good tasty rica-rica chicken. and they are

2.1 Bawang merah

2.2 Bawang Putih

2.3 Cabai keriting merah

2.4 Biji kemiri

2.5 lengkuas

2.6 Jahe

2.7 Kunyit

2.8 daun jeruk

2.9 batang serai

2.10 daun kemangi

Don't ask me for detail, just try to guess the weight and the number using the pictures i gave you above. I don't have the detail but this is the only ingridients that i use to cook this menu. No more, No less.

Ok and then I mixed the 2.1 to 2.8 spices in a blender. leave the 2.9 and the 2.10 for latter. don't forget to add some water into the blender about 200cc will be fine. Don't hesitate to use more if you have to because the water will be gone after you boil it with oil latter on.

Ok after the ingridients are ready, let's start cooking. first thing first. you need the cooking utensils.

the frying pan and a spatula

first you heat up the frying pan THEN when it's hot you then pour the cooking oil about 75cc more or less, trust me don't put the oil first then heat the friying pan, it'll turn into a war zone. heat the oil properly with medium fire for about 2-3 minutes.
after that you pour the well belended spices, and the 2.9 daun serai, and then stir it constantly so it wont stick on your frying pan.

don't forget the essence of asian food the salt the sugar, and of course the Mono-sodium-glutamate. insert each one of 1 full table spoon, or 3teaspoon.. what ever makes you happy.

now the question is how long should you stir this? this is the key. you should mix and stir it well until the spices became less watery. because of the heat, the water will perspirate so the mix will became more how do you say..porridge like substance.

and then you put the chicken breast into the mix and stir it well don't forget to add about 300cc of water to give the chicken a good boil, you use a medium fire for this. this proccess is about 13 minutes and 22 seconds. oyeah don't forget to enter the 2.10 daun kemangi in the mix in the 8-9 minutes of this phase it gives the special rica-rica aroma.

Don't worry. you won't make the meat overcooked as long as you can still see the water in the frying pan, the main concept is mix and stir it untill the majority of water had perspirate because of the heat and after that you eat it with a nice hot white rice and voila your First rica-rica chicken (and mine of course).

And if I may say, for my first time cooking, the taste is MARVELOUS.
beginners luck eh..?
they even served this to the guests and i had my silent compliment by seeing them eat happily.

Special thanks to the cook. mr Yassid thomy RIght on bro! you rocks!

if there are any questions feel free to ask me (^_^)

This aint a love song

2010-01-26T07:03:00.003+08:00

Should have seen it coming when the roses died
Should have seen the end of summer in your eyes
Should have listened when you said, "Goodnight"
You really meant goodbye
Baby, ain't it funny, how I never ever learn to fall?
You're really on your knees when you think you're standing tall
But only fools are 'Know it all's' and I played that fool for you

I cried and I cried there were nights that I died for you, baby
I tried and I tried to deny your love drove me crazy, baby

If the love that I've got for you is gone
If the river I cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't a love song

Baby, I thought you and me would stand the test of time
Like we got away with the perfect crime
But we were just a legend in my mind
I guess that I was blind
Remember those nights dancing at the masquerade?
The clowns wore smiles that wouldn't fade
You and I were the renegades, some things never change

It made me so mad 'cause I wanted it bad for us, baby
And now it's so sad that whatever we had, ain't worth saving, ohh

If the love that I got for you is gone
And if the river I've cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yea, I'm wrong, this ain't a love song
If the pain that I'm feelin' so strong is the reason I'm holdin' on
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't a love song, ooh

I cried and I cried there were nights that I died for you, baby
I tried and I tried to deny that your love drove me crazy, baby

If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't no love song
If the pain that I'm feeling so strong is the reason I'm holdin' on
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't a love song

comment :
you know how some songs lyrics doesn't seem to catch up our logic but suddenly it makes perfect sense? this is one of those for me (T_T)

eureka!! Fried rice

2010-01-26T00:02:00.002+08:00

Have you ever try to make a fried rice on your own? I have many times, but it'll only ended up in a mess and the taste is not very good, because it's oily. and give your taste buds a sense of nauseating feeling. but today i just found out the secret

its the FLAME.

no wonder all of this time i can't make the proper fried rice even with the high quality ingridients. it's the stove that is the culprit. In house stove you can't make a very hot flame to fried you rice well enough so the oil is not spilling everywhere. and makes all the spices absorbed by the rice.

But today it was different

let me try to give you the details:

first of all you need a VERY BIG FLAME.

Yep this big

and you needed the spice.
1. 1/2 of baby tomatoes as big as a pingpong ball
2. 1 teaspoon of terasi udang
3. red big chilly cut in small pieces.
4. 2 white onions
5. 2 1/2 red onions
6. 1 onion leaves
7. 2 chicken eggs
8. some meat balls, chicken meat or anything for your taste.

you mix all the spice in a blender (i can't use ulekan so yeah i'm a modern guy what the heck)

the first thing you do is you heat up the wok.. don't insert the cooking oil first! because it's pop up like crazy trust me -____-" wait until it's properly hot then pour the oil. you should use low flame for this.

after that you friy the spices that have been mixed together for about 20 sec and you put the egg and mix them to be a half cook scrambled egg. after that you put the rice (about one plate) and then you ge the flame as big as you can and start mixing. pour 2 tablespoon of soy sauce, 1 teasp of ketcup, 1/2 teasp of salt, 1/2 teasp MSG, and 1/3 teasp of white pepper. star mix it with big flames until the rice is brown intirely, dry and have the little smell of burned rice, you wouldn't miss it I almost burn the rice not to mention my hand and the ceiling -___-". after that your fried rice is ready to be eaten. enjoy iy while it's hot.

who do you see?

2010-01-25T22:29:00.004+08:00

You know by nature humans are egoistic creatures. Humans tend to do what they want, at the time they want it and the way they wanted it. You can see the example of this egoistic instinct on children. But as we grow older, society change our behavior, we started to follow the 'rules' of other people.

and this is where things got mixed up so bad that humans tends to forget ,even denying the fact they are the most egoistic, self centered creature, in the face of this planet. But this is not the fucked up part, the fucked up part is that humans Cannot fight their instinct, so we adapt. we still want to be egoistic, but don't want to be cast away from society.

and how are can we do that?

by manipulating the rules that's how.

for instance, when your friend have the tendencies to act out of (your) social rules you have the need to correct him, because he distort the balance, but you don't want to look bad right? you don't want to look weak right? because if you correct people frontally, and trust me for this i've done this for many years, you'll be the one that's condemed to be the egoistic one by them, the arrogant one, the WRONG one. so instead you use the MLM ways of making (a.k.a manipulating) people so they will think exactly what you wanted for the to think by using society as shield for your actions. and so there comes the magic words "look yourself in the mirror and see who do you see?" or "try put yourself in other peoples shoe, think what they think before you react"

i cannot describe how people cannot see that this two sentences are obviously manipulating. let's examine the first one shall we.

"look yourself in the mirror and who do you see?"

this sentence is very manipulating When asked.why? because when i look in the bloody mirror obviously I see myself and i see nothing wrong, or maybe if there's something wrong(according to me) i would correct it.

but if you are standing next to me and bitching me to describe what i see? then the only logic thing to do are describing you, the asshole standing next to me asking the stupid question.

and if i dared to describe myself like i thought i am, you'll try to manipulate me with guilt, or pride, or even a stupid illogical lies. Just like christian andersen's fairy tale about the emperor's new clothes story where the king is manipulated by the man around him so he believes them instead of himself and parade naked throughout his kingdom.

but if someone ask me this question, then this will be my answer. screw you, somethings wrong according to whom?? You?? why the fuck should i care what you see, i'm the one whose looking in the mirror. childish? yeah i guess, but remember the one that make the king's realize his stupidity is a child.

"try put yourself in other peoples shoe"

I honestly don't think you need no explanation for this. did you know why it's called other people's shoe? because it's not bloody hell yours. It doesn't suit your taste of a model, it doesn't have the right color, it's not even on the right size. How can you walk with "other peoples shoe"? yep you're right, you'll walk funny, embarassed, fall down every now and again, and eventually you'll hate yourself more and more for wearing this shoe. remember there are no shoe no matter how beautiful it is fits you besides "your shoe".

So it's kind of stupid to reflect yourself through other's people eyes, because you'll loose your free will, the very Important most beautiful thing God had given to human. if you really reflect yourself this way you're no more than a robot of society.

i can only have one word for it. PATHETIC.

so what are the logical way to reflect against who you really are and actually accept it?

IMHO the only way is to deattach yourself from the "me". in otherwords self awareness. If you have self awareness, you can seperate yourself from you.. you have the perfect control of yourself and therefor how you can choose how you react to other people if you wanted to be act nice then you can, but you can also act like an ass but you do it consciously (even though it's not normal for people to choose to act like an ass if they realize it). de-attachement is like being a ghost and seeing yourself from the 3rd person view while you are interacting with people. i think this is the right way to learn to be a better person and still feel good about yourself.

I'm not so wrong and shallow now huh?

the gold in silence.

2010-01-23T22:58:00.008+08:00

I'm sorry.

there i've said it..

I'm sorry for trying to lead you guys out from your blindness, for forcing you to see what i see, to leave your stupidity and pretences behind. Not that i'm saying that i'm 100% right but i know for sure that many of you are dead wrong. and the funny, rather fucked up part is that you think that you're the one that is right because you have exactly the same opinions like everybody , so you have the need to correct me. well guess again, because in that state of mind you're like a cow that goes where the dog barks.

but hey as long as your happy right? you can always be stupid but still happier than i do, you can be so blind but walk happily than i do and as long as you're happy with it i just don't give a damn anymore.

some men aren't born to see reality as it is, so i'll just sit back relax and enjoy the show called the drama of people's stupidity. when i think of it, it's like seeing a comedy show. you don't need to correct a stupidty in a comedy show right? because it's beautiful as it is.

so stupid is as stupid does eh..?

feel free to be stupid, people! express yourself!

FYI i don't write this while on an angry state, but rather a fully relaxed and aware state.

Gullibility

2010-01-21T11:06:00.003+08:00

"Don't worry Papa J love you.. You are God's son and He loves You..I'm sure there will be a better future, a better someone for you"

Recently I read this hilarious sentences everywhere. Why is this sentences hilarious? because this sentence comes out from the mouth of the blind.

I really wouldn't mind hearing this from the man of the church, but from the mouth of someone who is about my own age or a bit older and still living in this world full of sin..? C'mon people..! Who are we kidding?!

Those are empty words because the person who speak of it is either a priest trying to give a simplest explanation possible about God and His hopes to a community that don't give a damn (illiterate people for example) or A Prick..a Hypocrite..a blind snob.

Because if you ever even once thinking about the concept of God, You would've realize that The Word God have meanings beyond our mere human minds.

God is a concept of transendency.

So it's Horse shit if you THINK you KNOW what God wants for me, or if you THINK You KNOW what God thinks of me, or what the Future Holds for me etc. If you really know God, then you are in a way, His Equal. so ask yourself, you hypocrites (who's reading this of course). do You have what it takes to be God's equal? to preach to your fellow man about what God wants for him/her? are you in any way omniscience, omnipotence,omnipresence, omnibenevolence? NO you're a mere human, live with it.

God is a personal matter don't talk like you're somekind of a messenger from God, look at your life? living in lies everyday, in blindness all the time. Not even a tiny light of awareness within your sight. In other words you are blind.

I do believe in God, I believe he is with me, I believe He always give the best for me, I KNOW He's with me. You still don't see the difference?? you are really are blind.. Look at the subject and the object it's only one..it's ME and I, so it's a personal thing. and FYI it's called faith.

So stop being a pathetic being, stop telling people what they should think in the name of God, because you are blind and you're responsible for leading another blind people with you into an endless blackhole of stupidity.

"shallow ears hears but never listened, shallow eyes look but never sees, shallow mouth sounds but never talk, shallow heart realize but never aware."

A succesful rehab.

2010-01-19T20:02:00.008+08:00

People as you may notice by now I'm On a rehab. I'm on a rehab from the most addicting thing in this world called man-woman relationship.

Why I said relationship? because It's a mix of love and lust, and since i'm not a teenager anymore, I don't divide them into those categories.I accept it as it is, a good and a bad thing. There are never a man-woman relationship with pure love. If Love is the main reason,then why must it be divided into a man-woman thing?aren't love must have no boundaries?even no bound in time and space? Isn't Love is God Himself in a way? it's a simple question really, but the answer are not as easy as love is about him, lust is about me. (even though this is a really messed up sentence in a way, not to mention the shallowness of the idea)

anyway

the first few days I stopped "drugging" I really, I MEAN REALLY (i can't stress this enough)felt like living in a shithole. I think I have passed through all of elisabeth kubler-ross grief models in two weeks.In the most excruciating pain possible.

1.Denial
on the first few days, I still feel like nothing happened, like it was all just a dream, like she's is only angry at one point and everything will be ok. I still waited the phone that never rang, a SMS that never came. I was Ok in this phase.

2.Anger
This is when things get really messed up for me..short to say anger is my kryptonite it tends to corrupt me, and take the best of me. The weird feeling of dissapointment, jealousy, frustration, universal sense of hate, mixed into a bowl of anger. And it really get the best of me, even for a small reason like reading a message from facebook makes me furious. And to all of you that wonders why my fb is off for 2 weeks this is the reason. Facebook is toxic especially if you read "Hidden" messages that wasn't really meant for your eyes. But hey You just have to reply the message right?even if you are uncomfortable with the person who sent it.why?because you are turning into the person that you hate the most, the one that collect their admirer. Ironic isn't it? I don't pass this phase with flying colors, but instead some flying books, magazines, shoes, etc. after sick and tired of rampaging I went to Solitude in order to find peace..but instead i went on to the next phase.

3.Bargaining
This is what i do in my first day of solitude. this is where the "I wish" post came. With that post I would look for sympathy, and begging support to justify my action, my sadness, my life. This is the most embarassing phase from it all not to mention the most pathetic. But this phase is short for me though, because I have friends that don't do nothing but listened without no advice, hell not even a single lies, and of course I was eager to be on the next phase. yep the one and only..

4.Depression
This is where all the shit happens. Sleep deprivation, constant paranoid, Tears without knowing why, I don't go to work for two days, I don't accept calls, Living out of instant noodles,chocolate,candy and coffe, constant diarrhea, gastritis, GERD, followed by Common cold, abuse of diazepam, living in darkness, no bath of course, no sexual arousal whatsoever, numerous pushups, and situps, and a constant swearing in my blog.

This is the longest and painful phase for me. I tried everthing..From drugs, porn, pain, fights, the bible, prayers but nothing works. It's the darkest painful moment for me especially because i'm all alone in this place.No God to talk to, No mom to cry to, no dad to give a pat on my back, no brother to do stupid things that make me laugh, no dog to hug, no friends to lie to me (yeah thanks a lot guys). shortly said it's Hell on Earth. I was this close of being insane and loosing it, But out of nowhere my awareness came and i can continue to the next phase..

5.Acceptence
This is the phase that is revolutionary for me. The pain suddenly stop, the sky is less grainy,and my path is crystal clear. It's like waking up from your grave, founding a way out from the shithole, Founding myself, you name it.

Don't get me wrong i am still on denial,anger,bargaining,and depression, but i accepted it as a part of my life. That's why it's not so painful anymore. I try to enjoy the pain, accept it as it is as a room to grow. My awareness of me,my surroundings, and life is stronger than ever.

I guess at that moment i can describe as,quoting my good friend, a moment when time is reduced into nothing and an eternity at the same time.

I accept that I'm still madly in love with her but instead of trying to forget or even hated her, I will cherish the moment,and all the feeling i have for her.
I accept that missed her every single day of my life.
I accept that she's all that i want right now. I accept that I'm still worried about her.
I accept that maybe we can't be together anymore, and someday she'll move on.

But the difference is right now, i don't feel that I own her. Because I'm well aware that This relationship doesn't define me, this is my attachment and maybe someday it'll pass like a firefly that blinks it's finest moments before it dies. Right now i feel like I can Love her just like that, without any hopes to be loved back in returned. pathetic? maybe. But I know that when you really love someone, there’s no limits, no depth, when you fail you try again, if you found that you can’t go on then start from the beginning. There’s no beginning, no end.

You know above it all The Reason that I manage to get myself to this point is because i have good friends. With this post I would like to express my gratitude to you guys for not helping me with my relationship problems in my darkest hour.

I'm grateful that you guys don't cheer me up,
I'm grateful that you guys don't mock the girl i loved to make me feel better,
I'm grateful that you guys don’t lie to me about the future,
I'm grateful that you guys teach me to listened to my heart,
I'm grateful that you guys always listend and laugh but never commented on my relationship,
I'm grateful that you guys give me the support to be angry, to be sad, to be in pain,
I'm grateful that you guys never give me meaningless sentences like Jesus love you, you're his son bla3,
I'm grateful that you guys had faith in me,
I'm grateful that you guys have no pretences of my condition whatsoever,
I'm grateful that you guys don’t give your opinion on my life or her life,

but most of all I'm grateful that you enlightened me by doing nothing but to correct me, instead of my relationship. Because if you did, maybe my decision would be biased and i'll probably regret it one day.

And I’m grateful that I’m stranded here in the middle of nowhere, because here I can deal with my pain bravely and not trying to run away from it by clubbing, getting drunk, eating, shopping etc. That kind of thing helps allright but It’s like replacing the drug with something as addicting. And probably if I was at home during that time, I’ll still be in a circle of denial-bargaining-anger-depression, because when the pain is unbearable I can always run to forget, but in the end I’d ended up in square one.

I haven't finish my acceptence phase yet since I'm still thinking of my options for the future and looking for a new plan to settle things out. so fingers crossed. ><

QQ

2010-01-17T07:10:00.000+08:00

"A good portrait photo shows you the main object pleasantly, but no background is perceivable. Same as shooter and leaver friends will looks good and nice to you, but the hell you know about what lies beneath their hearts, and the hell do they know about your life and the depth of your soul."

-Aron Husink Horas-

Flower Pictures

2010-01-17T00:40:00.003+08:00

Taken with mr bunhead Panasonic procumer series FZ35

1 DOF.

taken with Panasonic FZ35, Aperture priority f/4.4, 18X optical zoom, daylight, No tripod.

2. Macro.

Taken With Panasonic FZ35 with macro setting EV+1 F/4.4 maximum zoom with no tripod and daylight settings. The picture is on JPEG HQ format and has been retouched with adobe photoshop CS

mr. snake, mr eagle, mr ape, mr turtle, mr. eva green, and everyone else Please give comments. I'm still new at this. If you want to see the larger image please open my photobucket (click on the image).

My comments:
I guess This camera is the best of it's class especially for light traveling. This will definetly be my camera of choice for shoot and go. But still.. i have high hopes for my future nikon d5000 and it pays to learn before you shoot anything.

Long live imaginary photography! *LOL*

Funny thing people say to me

2010-01-15T16:48:00.001+08:00

"if there weren't any patient I'll hit you for sure"
-Reddy "looser" lufyan-

comments :
....you're serious don't you? bwahahahahahaha dream on looser..!

Finally.

2010-01-15T07:31:00.002+08:00

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone

All of the bad feelings have disappeared

Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin’ for

It’s gonna be a bright Sunshiny day.

I'm still here.

2010-01-13T17:29:00.003+08:00

I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard.
All a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway…
You don't know me,
And I’ll never be what you want me to be.

And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man..
You can't take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
The don’t know me,
'Cause I’m not here.

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.

They can’t tell me who to be,
‘Cause I’m not what they see.
And the world is still sleepin’,
While I keep on dreamin’ for me.
And their words are just whispers
And lies that I’ll never believe.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can they say I never change
They’re the ones that stay the same.
I’m the one now,
‘Cause I’m still here.

I’m the one,
‘Cause I’m still here.

Comment :
Love this or leave it. And no I'm not trying to say i'm arrogant.

Seriously??

2010-01-12T12:01:00.004+08:00

a group located in the southern Philippines that claim belligerency against the Goverment of the Philippines, the USA and its supporters for political corruption.
They live for freedom, Fight for freedom, with sweat, tears, blood!!! Look at their rigorous training night and day they train to seek justice in their land.

These groups full of Big gunned men are found in an area in Mindanao the Sulu Archipelago, Palawan, Basilan and other neighbouring islands. They are dangerous as a tiger who sets it's ey on the prize of their prey. Look at him with all that bullets and the determination in His Eyes His bravery is no doubt first class!

They teach everybody to fight to claim justice! Even the younglings To defend themselves from the Savages enemy of the northern part of their homeland. Discipline and high moral standarts are given since early age.

This Men are the future the Hope pride and dreams of the fight they belive in, the freedom they will fight to the death against the mighty titan. As a Symbol of all humans dreams.. "FREEDOM"

And they are called

THE MILFs!!

and that's why nobody takes them seriously.

I think the MILFs should really..reallyyyy.. consider using this as their new flag just incase you know..the MILFs Won the war..

*FAILED*

Who's Gay

2010-01-11T20:03:00.005+08:00

Today i just found out in a weird way that a friend of mine in medschool that i known quite well is gay. Yeah you probably don't feel weird about this because yeah there are a lot of them out there more and more emerging than submerging in society. But for me, I always thought that because I'm a gay phobic, I think I'm well aware whether or not someone is gay or not. especially those around me.

But in reality I suck big time.

A friend of mine for about six years, even though i don't know him quite well but
I can't think of any logical reason why I didn't noticed that he's gay. After talking with some friends, I have a surprising reaction like "what? you don't know that? it's kinda obvious don't you think.." or "Yeah I have a feeling that he's kinda.." or "look at his clothes, his hair, the way he talks, thinks etc. he's gay all right" but NOOooo.. I don't have that feeling, hunch, or logic of any kind towards him. I just think that he's a good friend, good conversation and good laugh every once in a while.

And this scares the shit Out of me.

I'm scared that I'm not aware of the gay community around me. They are like Guerilla army who hides in the depth of the forest and everyonce in a while kidnap one of the good guys and "shoot" them to death *hueks..*. And I became more paranoid than i was before. I hate that my un-awareness of the hidden-guerilla-gay community will make me pay the price of being molested, tricked, raped, or worst became one of them.

But the fucked up thing is does my unawareness means that I'm one of them? I mean I enjoy his company everyonce in a while, i like to discuss things, or just to have a nice chit-chat once or anytime But How the Fuck can i Not noticed that he's gay? Does that mean that i'm one of them gay folks?

The answer is NO. I'm not aware that he's gay because I am not one of them.

why?

Because IF I AM gay, how can I NOT NOTICE how gays talks, walks, smiles, fashion, hair etc? How can i Know something i NEVER know? It's like you cannot diagnose a patient with a disease that you never learn or see before right?i never got to exposed to those people and being a gay-phobic i refuse to think and analyze them further, so scientificaly i don't have any normal-gay standart for a man.

Your imagination can fool you and missdirect you so you fail in see and recognizing reality.

in the other hand,

The One who can say "He's obviously gay.." or "look at his hair, clothes, etc. he's gay" is either a gay, or have a little tendency to be gay,or a bisexual,or someone who had has bad tragedy with gay people, or who who take a doctoral thesis on gay-ology. but I can never be the one who's perfectly-unstainedly-straight person like i do.

Thank God.

So you suckers who always says "i think he's gays.." or "look at his clothes,hairs, perfume that means he's gay" are the one with tendecies of gayness in you.

surprised? then you're screwed.

so using the music from the late michael jackson i sang to you

"And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You Once Again,
Who's Gay . . .?"

My unimportant wishes.

2010-01-09T06:51:00.010+08:00

I wish I had never met you
I wish I had never fight with you
I wish I had never hear your voice for the first time
I wish I had never give my shoulder when you cry
I wish I had never shed a tears for you
I wish I had never try to make you smile
I wish I had never stood by you
I wish I had never buy you flowers
I wish I had never serenade you
I wish I had never remember your birthday
I wish I had cheated on you even once
I wish I had never pray for you
I wish I never ask God to be with you everyday in my prayer
I wish I had never let you know my friends
I wish I had never let you to see my family
I wish I had never give you any of my time
I wish I had never bought you the Blackberry
I wish I had never helped you with email acc
I wish I had never made you facebook acc
I wish I had never dig deeper
I wish I had not gone from home this long
I wish I had never angry
I wish I had never missed you
I wished I had never worry about you every time
I wish had never trusted you with all my heart
I wish I had lied to you about everything
I wish I had no real feelings for you
I wish I had never hold your hand
I wish I had fooled my self in believing in you
I wish this had Not been so painful
I wish I can forget and be normal for a bit
I wish I had never give you the ring

but in the end I just wish i had never loved you with all my heart

ATTENTION

2010-01-08T23:10:00.002+08:00

CAN ANYONE TELL ME HOW TO FIND ZENER LIE COZ I'M GOING TO FUCKIN KILL HIM WHEN I GET HOME!!!!!!!

WOW!!!

2010-01-08T22:41:00.001+08:00

I think i just carved history in google!!

try to google "diamputlah" and what do you see??

MY BLOG OF COURSE!!

That's soo damn cool *LOL*

Just For Laugh SMS

2010-01-08T22:24:00.002+08:00

A : Gimana tadi ketemu elang?masih hidup kah?

B : Elang belum bc brita ttg telurny. Ular msh hidup dan baik2 sj. No thx 2 u.bah!

A : Roger that. Are you in the eagle's nest?or are you still around with the eagle and the ape? Over..

B : The ape has left the nest. The eagle caught diarrhea and now is probably doing his mating dance. The snake is rubbing himself.

A: Roger that. I order you to go as far as you can from the hot zone, fall back now to live and fight for the eggs for another day. Try to blame it on the ape. Divide and conquer. And for the love of God stop doing whatever you're doing while the eagle is mating..that's disgusting.. over.

B :That's negative sir. I never wanted the egg. I just say that she was lovely once. Stop putting me in danger just becoz u'r happy 2 see som1 bleed. I refuse 2 b a bate. Eagle is a friend.

A : Mayday! Mayday! We got a traitor! Go out now! The eagle is on and out! And that's an order! I repeat the eagle is not a friendly! I repeat! The eagle is not friendly!

B : Friendly or not, no way I die. u enjoy2 in faraway, spreading rumor, I empot2an and tachycardia. Better awak mampus krn cinta bnrn instead lie2an.

A : My friend awak is very2 menyesal harap2 budak yang tadi mengcalling kau is not kau punya cinte sejati eh.. apabila terjadi demikian awak ber2 is very soridemori =p

B : diamputlah kalian berdua.

end of SMS transmision.

ROFL!!!!

Persona

2010-01-07T01:05:00.002+08:00

do you remember the verse of a song "The world is a stage play" i guess it's right in a way. A person always wear different mask to do different roles in life in every stage of their life. We wear our mask everyday to be accepted in society, we can always choose what part to play or what part we don't want to play.

I have a simple example for this

did you notice that when you are working or doing presentation you always make serious faces even though you don't feel like it? that's when you are wearing the professional mask.
Or when you just won a million dollar lottery but suddenly your neighbour dies and you have to make a condolences visit you can't seriously be smiling right? you will wear the sad mask.

Or in a more complex situation like :
Someone who's pretend to be rich when they actually not. They will work to shop expensive items so they will look rich and nice to wear the i-wish-i-was-rich mask.
Or
Someone who's actually a coward but always talks big and arrogant so they don't look weak in front of others and wears the arrogant mask.

the sad things about wearing a mask is that sometimes..no..almost everyone forget that they are wearing mask, sadly they don't realize that the mask they are wearing are not who they really are but they wear it so long so they associate the mask with "me". That is what happened in society nowadays people loose the ability to see through the mask of someone. Our shallow mind leads us to false pretences about someone so that we fell to our own judgement and fail to recognize the beauty inside. Even though i think some people are actually really is rotten to the very depth of their soul.

I have experience this when my old friend actual tells me that i'm too arogant. this saddens me..you know why? it's not because i'm offended by the statement because of course i know my mask and i am well aware that that is the arrogant mask is the mask i choose to wear. but it saddens me mainly because after being my friend for a long time he could not see who am i behind the mask i was wearing. He fail to see the depth of my soul.

But when i ask another good friend of mine whether or not i'm arrogant because Many people said I do?but tell me something why do I still have good friends who'll stand by me for better or for worst if i'm that arrogant? he answered that he thinks I'm not actually arrogant, it's just my way of communicating and said that i seldom really meant all the things i said, in other words it's a superficial things,my mask. and people who only sees superficially often missunderstood. why?because they are prejudiced. And because he sees the glimpse of my soul deep inside that's why he still is my friend, i think.

to make it simple
did you ever see an arrogant person?or people who talk trash and cursed?Or people who always talk racist?it's a trait that nobody likes right?
But Those people that have those traits many still have alot of friends..aren't that weird? the answer is no. It is because people who are not shallow can see beyond the mask. That way they could see the person behind the mask so all their actions make sense even though the fucked up ones.

It's very humane if we wear mask to live in society but the more important thing is the awareness to see deeper behind the mask.

so the question is.. is it wrong to wear mask? Nope. it makes us a whole as a person

Besides did you know that the word person came from the latin Persona?

and Yep Persona means Mask. ironic isn't it?

"What You see here is not me, It's just your illusion of me. if you only try to look behind this mask of mine, i hope you will see the depth of my soul"

Shoot n'go fellas

2010-01-06T21:40:00.002+08:00

I have many analogy for various group of friends, but nothing can describe how i hate this kinda friends right now. Yep people let me introduce you to the shoot n go friends the worst of them all.

to make it simple a shoot and go friends are really like a pocket camera

the two main functions are :

They Shoot the i-think-you-must-do-this-kinda-opinions like they know you all of your life and not just the holiday season.

and of course..

They Go, they'll leave you when the holidays are over and promise that they will pray, support , and contact you and all that shit, after they obviously ruined your life with their fucked up ideology and ideas.

and here's a little something to add on

1. they are seasonal
they came during the holiday and gone during other days.

2. they have a shallow depth of field & focal length.
they don't have better judgment, they are plain shallow just to shoot a "who cares" situation like for example some exciting gossip and constantly looking for other peoples drama in their life.

3. Useless in lowlight situation
Sure a pocket camera is light and easy to use in a bright hot sunny day who doesn't love them? but in low light situation it's crap. and the shoot n go friends have this kinda meaning they are likely to hangout and will talked you out of your problem in the happily bright situation but in you darkest hour? You'll never wish you brought them with you.

4. Tricky LCD
after you take a picture, a pocket camera LCD will give you a preview of a bright sharp image but after you open it in a computer it's blurry because now you see it on real size. This kinda friends always get you to an eccstasy of beautiful image of the future if you listen to their advice, but after they left you suddenly realize the reality's sucks and it's too late to change everything coz the right moment is gone.

5. They came in colorful advertising and packaging and heavenly promises for better image.
this kinda friends ALWAYS have this trait. They are ALWAYS, I mean ALWAYS talked you into religion trash talk like
"God almighty will want you to be happy, to give something, to pray more, etc2."
talking like they ever met God so they know Him personally. In other words religious Hypocrite. you know the ones who sings like crazy people in church or talking in the guidance of the holy spirit yeah those crazy ass motherfuckers.

6. Low battery life and disposable
after screwing your life, belief me they'll split..why?because vacation is over! thanks for the drama of your life sure is making my vacation enjoyable.

so Beware of them coz they're the worst kinda friends coz they'll give you heavenly advice, "help" you making decisions you never think of before, pushing you to the edge with their don't-worry-you-got-me bullshit promises, friends-forever faggot talk and the don't worry-i-know-God-will trash talk,

but heed my words
after the vacation is over and they come back from where ever they are you will be standing alone with your fucked up life thanking them because you think they had do you good.

Like ol' bang napi always said "Crime doesn't happen only because the intention of the bad guy but because you give them room to move and grow so be aware! be aware!"

2009-12-31T22:41:00.003+08:00

Happy new year people!

My resolution for 2010:
"I, dr.wongky will try my best to learn and apply the virtue of humility for the greater glory of God"

2009-12-30T20:24:00.002+08:00

RIP Tuesday 22 Sept 2009 20.00 WIB

Tiada suatu hasil yang bisa dicapai tanpa ketekunan dan pengorbanan
tiada ketekunan dan pengorbanan bisa diberikan terus menerus tanpa keyakinan
tiada keyakinan bisa bertahan tanpa menyadari untuk apa semuanya ini.

Shihan Nardi T Nirwanto SA
Founder of Pembinaan Mental Karate Kyokushinkai Indonesia
A master, A Teacher, A father.

FAITH

2009-12-28T10:36:00.002+08:00

Guys You know what
When we come to the edge
of all that matters
And are about to step off into the unknown
Faith, is knowing that one of two things will happen

either there'll be a something solid to stand on
Or
You'll be taught how to fly.

2009-12-27T01:56:00.002+08:00

I'm having a fuckin diarrhea

greenish stool means salmonella or giardia..

You know i just realized something..why in a movie rich people are always wash their hand after they shaked a poor person's hand is not because they don't like to blend in or they are a big fat assholes just because they are rich.

But because they hate salmonella as much as i do right now. So fuck the media who exposed those kind of thing like it's a bad unrespectful habbit. I'll wash my hand from now on fuck you if you think that's an offensive act. I'd rather be hated that have a greenish watery stool again..

once again fuck the guy who gave me this diarhhea. yeah you heard it FUCK YOU!

My awareness

2009-12-27T01:22:00.002+08:00

A friend today tells me that I'm too arrogant and my arrogance will be the downfall of me so he warned me not to be so arrogant for my sake.

This is what i have to say for this matter..You don't know shit about me and the statement have given me a new insight about him being like everyone else. I really don't blame him anyway almost all people have the same problem like him..he's just..shallow.

he can't see the fact that
1. I'm an introverted person. I only speak when I care enough. The form of my arrogance is my way of telling you I noticed. what? you think just because i speak alot i'm an extroverted? ha! you loosers
2. It may seems harsh at times but you guys who knows me well should know that its just Facts without its eupihimism.
3. I realized that on the surface i'm an arrogant bastard, and so does everyone else but they just don't realize it enough.
4. maybe i realized it better because I think about it alot, I don't have the cow-ish quality in me who goes where everyone goes just to blend in.
5. I'm trying to get the best of me out by trying hard not to be proven wrong by always learning and increases my best in everything.

you know everyone is just as arrogant but i'm the type who "speaks" my thought eventhough it really didn't necessary at least I realized that.

To prove my point : look at the two chicken cartoon. You shallow person out there will think that the 2nd chicken are the arrogant one.. but did you notice that the statement of the 1st chicken are also arrogant? it's a judging statement without facts. you know what?because it's an abstract thing..the first chicken just didn't notice it.

People are like that..and don't deny that you are not one of them..the first reason that you don't like people like me or the way i talked is just because you think i'm not like you..you HAVE to correct people so they are similar like you..same perspective and everything. sorry but that's a cow-ish attitude and i kinda feel sorry for you.

You know I'm not offended by that statement it's just prove that he's just the same like me anyway but worse because he try to mask it so that he'll be accepted by society. And will never look the depth of my soul.

if you're offended by my writings my friend it'll just prove my point.

cheers.

Jung's mini personality test

2009-12-18T18:12:00.001+08:00

You know..This explains alot...

Cheating Doctors

2009-12-07T19:36:00.005+08:00

"if you cheat in medical classes, you will kill people later, for your own sake and everyone else, QUIT or LEARN the material" -HarLes-

This Quote is interesting. It's interesting not because there's a controversy in this statement. I think this statement is absolutely true, No doctors should cheat in exams, in fact nobody should cheat on any exam.

But it's interesting because the word "medical classes" was there. And the fact that this statement is not important at all in Indonesia. As I recall being a doctor in Indonesia you don't really need to be an A-student, you just have to follow your superior's order so you can be a MD or even a medical specialist. It really doesn't matter if you are stupid or smart you can be a specialist as long as you are "competent" in ass kissing.By this I don't mean to say that all specialist are like that, some are really because they are smart and competent. I'm just saying you can..and it happens..don't deny it.

Look at indonesia's Medical Competence Exam. You just have to score 50% to pass the test and get your practice license. Let us anlyze the Fucked up part of this system.

Medical Competence Test : judging from the name it will determine how competence are a medical doctor to treat their patient. In other words chance of doing the right thing, at the right time, at the right place. and so the score of 50% means that in Indonesia You can practice as a full-fledge-licensed MD even if you can only treat One of two patient correctly. Maybe you don't see any huge impact on this. Ok let's look at it this way : if a medical doctor in Indonesia who have 50% competence practicing medicine have..let's say...20 patients/day, then he/she would only treat 10 persons correctly right? but a year is 365 days it means about 3500 malpractice in one year..but wait..!he/she could practice for about 30-35 years and that means 100k malpractice as long as he/she lived his profession as an MD.

See what I mean by Unimportant?It really doesn't really matter, In indonesia people don't fight for medical perfection simply because grade and points don't mean shit here. Life is cheap, so cheap that it really doesn't matter to learn anyway. Instead Indonesian MD tend to worship experience Think deeper about what experience really means..Failure is the best teacher, in other words: experience!the more you fucked up the more you know.
But what if most of Indonesian MD have this kind of mind set, would you risk your life,your beloved ones,or friends to go to doctors who have this kind of mindset? Face it, most Indonesian MD never read anything once they've gone into practice. Because you know what? Learning is not important..If you want to be a MD just pay big money to the university, buy your professors nice things, follow their hobbies, their lifestyle, their belief and Voila! you'll be a MD for sure. If you want to be a specialist, you don't have to learn really, you just have to go to remote areas(where obviously you can't read anything), became a public employee, ask for recommendation and funding to go to medical school or you can just pray that you're father will become someone important, do a nepotism some ass kissing and that other stuff,and voila! you're a full-fledge-licensed medical specialist, hey you can even be a professor!
or..of course you can always took the stupidly righteous path and learn you ass out to be a good MD, but that'll make you socially retarded because you're be a minority,a defect of nature, a weird scene in indonesia.

So in conclusion who needs cheating as medical student anyway if you really don't need those grades. You can always "cheat" in medical careers to became a MD or a specialist in Indonesia. After all..all the things we did is for the sake of our beloved patient right? *LOL*

For me?I'm already a social defect, a little defect of nature, and a minority so i think i'll stay with the stupidly righteous path, thank you.

Long live Indonesian Doctor! May we loose as many life as we can to be the best practitioner!

Sambomaster

2009-12-05T20:13:00.003+08:00

No sambomaster is not a martial art master
Sambomaster is a japanese band..a rock band.
yeah it's kinda sucks to post two music article in a row
but this one you DEFINITELY must see!!

Yeah the fat guy with glasses is the vocalist and the funny looking guy who played bass is really is the basis.

This is the live version (Click)

This is the passion of rock!!!!!!!!! never judge a book from it's cover.

No Boy No cry

2009-12-05T19:06:00.004+08:00

Japanese songs always have an interesting meaning for me and this song is superb in meaning and sound check it out No boy No cry an OST of Naruto anime series.

I suddenly stand up and stare at the cracking silver sky
If boredom is killing you, then it'd be better if you died
Boy, listen to me! Humans really aren't all that important
You don't need something like tomorrow, don't hide your clenched fist!

You're not old enough yet to be selling your dreams to anxieties
Boy, the only one that can pull the trigger
To the gun in your heart is you!

All the kids said, "Tear open our hearts!
That guy that gave up... he's another story,"
All the kids said, "These yelling voices of ours
Are finding freedom from underneath our beds,"

We don't always see eye to eye, all of the wounds scattered on me that day
Are still causing me to stumble
But I'll drag on forward, forward
I'm feeling a bit disconnected, I'm crying out
Though no answer is coming
Sitting, doing nothing and laughing
I don't want to become someone like that

All the kids said, "There's nothing we can do, it's pointless.
Because we're just living in this magnificent world right now,"
All the kids said, "All the truths and lies
Are things we'll never be able to forget,"

All the kids said, "We're too young to die, aren't we?!
All these bored faces lining up in this empty town..."
All the kids said, "On this windless night,
We're going to make a difference!

your money is Our money, but my money stays mine.

2009-12-05T15:54:00.003+08:00

"your money is Our money, but my money stays mine"

The statement above is a classic statement about money in marriage. What do you think about it? it really doesn't seem fair to one side right?

In this modern world, its kinda crazy if you still use this principle in your marriage life. couples, nowadays have a different perspective about money. Maybe people prefer the statement "Your money and my money became Our money" or "you keep your money and i'll keep mine". This last two sentences are the fair one, the logical one, the one it supposed to be, a balance of power between the two sides. thus you will live a long happy never ending life and an ever after happy marriage.

wake up! if you think like that, boy you are a looser.

as the-will be the man of the house, the right statement in my opinion is the mine is ours but yours stays yours statement.

yep it's easier to be said than done.

Why? Because no matter how much you THINK you love each other, how much you THINK you trust each other, deep inside your UN-blinded inner eyes (your heart that never lies) you know that the person standing beside you at the altar in holy matrimony is no more than just your illusion of her/him, so you can never ever trust your spouse 100% even if your mouth says so your heart will go against it anyway it can.

the key is this: The the only person that you can really trust is yourself and yourself only.

so what's that got to do with anything? here's my point..

Money can't buy you happiness unless it's shared to someone you really care of. so it's kinda stupid to fight about what's mine and what's yours in a marriage. aren't you supposed to live till the end with each other? and even though i'm not married yet but i know it'll be a hell of a ride, so you'll need all the trust you can get to live trough your marriage. but how can you say you really love someone or trust him/her if you set your boundaries with an unimportant piece of paper called money?

But the main thing is this : most people (especially men,because women are supposed to be insecure) don't believe in themselves. that is why they think if the money they make by hardwork ALONE are to be used for the BOTH of us, it will make the other side more powerful because he/she will be richer than the other and so the poorer one will be control-able.
so here it is : MONEY IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER, It can't control you. If someday my future wife ask for this kind of system in my marriage, so be it. I'm not insecure. I trust myself. I believe that i can make alot of money someday and even if we're not married anymore I can still look for money as well as i did while i was married. So If shit happens (e.g my wife became a shop addict or hate my parents and won't gave them money even though they needed it) Money isn't my real issue, i'll win some of it from court anyway but i can look for more while she cannot.

so if you don't have the same opinion about this. You are just insecure. In other words..Weak.

stand and fight!

2009-12-04T18:41:00.005+08:00

Life is pretty much like martial art in a way. I always thought that the one who trains lazily will loose during the competition and the one who train harder will rise up in the competition. nothing more nothing less. But you know after a few competition, I just realize something.

Just like life, martial arts is still unfair.

what?! you don't belief me? ok let me tell you why it's unfair. In life, people who's born with prestige (money, status, CONNECTION) will pass through life (provided by their parents) easily just like a walk in a park with a cool breeze and sunshine. capish? ok now in martial arts some people are born with athletic body, high posture, etc which is called talent and they will pass through training easily.
But the interesting part is the fact that the prestige given to any of them doesn't make them champion. I saw many people who are athletic,tall,and confident flunked out early in the competition. This phenomenon sometimes confused me, but after I enter the kyokushin competition I just realized that The one who became the champion are not the strongest, nor the fastest, nor the one with the most beautiful techniques.

But the one who have the spirit to win no matter what.

let me tell you something about a full body contact competition. After "hajime" you will loose your energy,guts,techniques,tactics for about 50% and after the first few second it will drastically decrease to a point where you hardly move like a karateka (you martial artist freak should know how it feels like) but after the first punch, You can see who will won the competition. Yeah the one with the eyes which shows the strongest and purest spirit to win. Your spirit will put aside your fear, your burden, your pain. But the most important thing that your spirit give to you as a fighter is that it will give you the ability to stand and fight even if your body can't take it anymore. If you get to the place as far as I did, I am pretty sure that you will ask the same question like i did "WTF am I doing here?!" and your body will move beyond your will to move them. and i think that's why the full body contact competition is the best, because winning is not determined by points, for example : you trained hard for a year but you loose in 30 seconds just because of someone who move like a monkey and stole points right under your nose. hell you don't even feel the pain anywhere but you loose and that is it for you. I'm sorry but that's sucks.

So in my conclusion life is kinda the same with a Full body contact competition. People around you are your opponent. they will put you down using whatever technique they had trained, from a hard-work-studying to as low as an ass-kissing-technique =p But the one that stands above them all aren't the smartest one, nor the richest one, nor the aristocratic one, nor the ass-kisser one, But the one who still stand up and fight when he really can't anymore.

The man who can't be moved

2009-11-15T20:39:00.002+08:00

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
saying, "if you see this girl can you tell her where I am"

Some people try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

Cause If one day you wake up and find your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "son you can't stay here"
I said, "there's someone I'm waiting for If it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

Cause If one day you wake up and find your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe i'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
cuase you'll know it's just for you
Im the man who can't be moved

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

The Ultimate truth.

2009-11-05T19:03:00.007+08:00

Today i just got a story from my girlfriend about one of her 20-something years old friend who was on a blind date with a successful 40 years old man. Even though the girl is obviously not into this man because of the physical appearance but the success ,money, and power that he got by working/owning at his father company obviously smooth things along the way. The girl was very impressed with the date and the man? not-so-impressed by the girl.

This thing made my thoughts wander where do I stand in this world. If I were the man who are on the blind date I cannot even compete like that, people like him was out of my league. Because the wold is a rotten place where money have is a measure of a man'sa worth. With money you can buy almost everything it really doesn't matter how much you learn, how much you train to be the best it's all acme back to the money. Hell, people can buy their life or give and create life with money.
There's no more truth in this shitty society every rotten bastard will make their way with money.

Or so I thought.

But you know that's why I like martial art because it's the only place I trully feel I belong. When a fight came up on that arena between two man it really doesn't matter who are your father, how much money you have, how powerfull your nepotism and connection are it really don't mean shit. In that ring it will bw just you,ALONE. And the outcome will only be determined by the amount of pain you can endure while training and how much do you want to win. And that is the different between a winner and a looser.

what I should have said.

2009-11-02T18:33:00.005+08:00

Do you ever had a problem of keeping your mouth shut to every single questions given from your boss,spouse, family, friends, teacher? well i bet you have, and so does every single person in this world. So I decided to put my thought that didn't or cannot be said or forbidden to be said in the real world here in my blog just to get a good feeling that i've said it loud and clear and hoping that the person who i shout to don't read my blog. Ok here it goes.

YES! I have friends many friends in fact. what? surprised?Fuck You.did you think that everbody that have good grades don't have friends?? Fuck you for being stupid and had many people you so called friends during your college time.

And NO! a people on your department are not superior compared to other department. are you retarded?! Look around you see the cars of the surgeons or the ophtalmologist, or the paper written and published by any other specialist not just abstraction and quotation from another country. FYI that makes you less superior, what the hell are you trying to prove by that question anyway other than saying implicitly that you're retarded and you're the the one that's over your head.

NO! I don't really have any dissapointment in my life. I'm just saying that to give you the satisfaction to think that everybody is miserable like you. dissapointment are for loosers. and if you have to know i'm a person who dissapointed more for giving the answer that gives pleasure for your ears than to be rejected as you colleague.

Do you think sending skilled people to remote areas will make it better? No The area will get them un-skilled and it'll be a waste of millions of money and time. If you really wanted to make an area better you should send a band of skilled people there to support each other as a team not just the ass with papers signed "will be given a 50% discount of school tuition by local government". Retards.

You're trying very hard in not taking the backstabbing-egoistic-ass kisser type. Guess what? you guys had just been punk'd by one of them, in you face.

O yeah and I said good morning but your fucking ears are just deaf.

It's time for pension,your prejudice about a person makes you can't read what's given under your nose!

i guess that's it for now.so yeah I'm a bad looser, easly dissapointed. But just like any of you as the world try to bend my knees I'll try to fight the pain to wipe the silly smile off the world's face.

back from the past with vengance!!!!

2009-10-06T15:09:00.002+08:00

Message from God

2009-10-05T01:28:00.002+08:00

Just got a message from God, apparently God too like to play facebook. so He dicided to take it out on me. Guess i'll be studying now over and out. o yeah.. I'll see u guys on the other side bwahahahaha

QQ

2009-10-03T12:01:00.001+08:00

"That's it!! I'm sick and tired of being....MEDIOCRE."

-wongky-

Funny now, not so funny tommorow

2009-09-30T22:21:00.002+08:00

video

So you think this is funny? yeah laugh it all you want right now. But in 20 years or so this will be our remnants if we stopped training our good old fighting tecniques. God I'm Fat and weak I'll train like hell after the admision test i swear to God i won't be like this looser even in 20-30 years to come.

Thank You

2009-09-30T16:15:00.004+08:00

To Those who pushed me, I thank you.
Without you, I'll never fall.

To those who laugh at me, Thank You.
Without You I'll Never Cry.

To those Who never loved me, Thank You.
Without you, i'll never know true Love.

To those Who hurt my feeling, thank you.
Without you i will never be stronger.

To those who left me standing alone, Thank you.
Without you I will never find myself.

But this post is especially dedicated to those of you who think that I can't make it
Because without them I'll never succed.

Start-depapepe

2009-09-28T21:45:00.004+08:00

click this!

watch this you won't regret it. i know i didn't, even though it takes me 1/2 hour just to play this video -____-" it was all worth it. It's like their guitar are singing.

Good songs don't need lyrics. The guitar speaks for it self.

What it takes to be God

2009-09-28T20:25:00.002+08:00

Question:
Does God exist?

Answer :
a God should have the following criteria:

1. omniscience.
is the capacity to know everything infinitely, or at least everything that can be known about a character including thoughts, feelings, life and the universe, etc.

2. omnipotence.
attribute to only the deity of whichever faith is being addressed

3. omnipresence.
is the property of being present everywhere.

4. omnibenevolence .
perfect goodness

5. divine simplicity, and eternal and necessary existence.

6. incorporeal.
without the nature of a body or substance

7. the source of all moral obligation.

8. greatest conceivable existent.

So the answer is Yeah God exist except you can deny your existence and met the 8 criteria above,then You are God (and thats just prove my point doesn't it?).

Scary Job

2009-09-28T18:46:00.003+08:00

I was just browsing my TV set, looking for some quality news, instead i find this Tv show
"scary job" in trans7 .The show is supposed to be about the scariest job in indonesia, and the topic is actually (I shit you not) "perawat orang gila". I think this is just some soap opera kind of show, but it aint. It's a 100% reality show.

The show were taken in some Mental-jail-facility (nope it's not a hospital but a jail, as if a place with many rooms and many iron bars, yeah that kinda jail) and these scizophrenic people sitting helplessly, looking as crazy as can be, were shot with cameras looking at their best craziest moments.then the presenter (a supposed to be a hunk artist guy) will try to intimidate the spectators at home about this so-called "scary Job" and how scary it can be. and Latter the presenter will take one contestant, a typical hot young beautiful artist to do some tasks which supposed to be challenging like feeding, cleaning, and showering those crazy people. And with such enormous fear of other human beings, she started to give the crazy people some food like they are dogs in cages, and when they bark (shout) she will run behind the hunk presenter and laugh afterwards. I think it's because they realize it (i refer to the crazy people "it") is locked on a cage so why afraid-haha-kinda thing.

Hey i'm not the best student of psychiatry , hell i even hated those schizophrenic (i almost hit one in the psychiatric wards back when i was a senior med student). But watching this show, seeing how she take care of those people, treating them like some kind of animals, those disgust-look down eyes she gave them.. i was angry to those people, and i actually felt sorry for the mentally sick people. I mean this show is nothing but crap, no moral lesson can be taken from this, i imagine many people will laugh at this show seeing a beautiful princes being played and scared to death by the crazy beast.

But don't they have eyes to see that the people they call crazy is just a sick person, a different person, who needed care. Don't they realize that everybody's crazy ,including them (the artist and presenter) but lucky for them, they live in a crazy world that's full of crazy people who are just like them (what we called normal civilized society). Or Publicity is just a sick way of entertainment nowadays? maybe i'm just old fashioned kind of guy but i can't stop thinking who in their right mind concept this kind of show? this show is just a fucked up show (damn!! there goes my rehab).

It's a sick joke and an exploitation i hoped they get sued for this show. even though i seriously doubt it since the schizophrenics are abandoned people who don't have any visitors, nor friends, nor family, and i'll be damned if somebody in this world cared for them.

Breakdown.

2009-09-27T21:11:00.003+08:00

O' God,
In Your merciful hand
All My hopes
My happiness
My worries & sorrows
All My life

Just like then, right now and Until the day I die
Guide me
Direct me
Made me according to your plans.

Amen.

anti veggie

2009-09-23T06:40:00.002+08:00

Company:
ma ling, fiesta, so good

Schools (Other):
porkwarts school of butchery Occupation:

antiveggie activist Affiliations:
meatlovers club, burn a book save a tree association, roast pig organization, united kingdom of heavenly meat

Hobbies and Interests:
planting vegetables as pets, watering and playing with our tomatoes, smuggling meat, putting meat in vegetarian restaurant food covertly

Favorite Books:
God loves meat, eating vegetable makes you dumb, the ten sins of popeye

Favorite Movies:
silence of the lambchop, meatrix, popeye unrated the movie

Favorite Music:
goat save the queen

Favorite TV Shows:
wok with yan

Zodiac Sign:
Capricorn

About Me:
You all probably wonder why we hate vegetarians. Well we'll tell you why! 1 bucket of spinach can feed 10 cows, and each cow can feed 5 people, but 1 bucket of spinach can only feed 5 vegetarians. SO IN 10 YEARS OR SO, THOSE VEGETARIAN FREAKS WILL START A FOOD CRISIS!!!

And think about its effect on global warming! If they keep eating vegetables, soon pollution will go uncontrolled, because we are out of green plants that those veggies eat!!!

So, we demand:
1. eradication of all veggies in the world
2. execution of popeye for many years manipulating our children
3. stop making books, because books are made from trees!!!
4. stop dragging mankind to the bottom of the food chain pyramid

- JOIN US SAVING THE WORLD AND MAKE IT A BETTER PLACE FOR OUR CHILDREN-
- IF NOT US, WHO ELSE? -
(you can contact us at antiveggiegroup@yahoo.com)

Ps:
Holy people in the Bible ate meat and they became holy
- no heroes in the Bible were vegetarians -

God made plants on day 4, animals on day 5, and humans on day 6. so we're supposed to eat more animals than vegetables.

Who I Want to Meet:
meatlovers, people who think popeye is so gay.

QQ

2009-09-22T18:30:00.003+08:00

“It is not sufficient that I suceed - all others must fail.”

-Genghis khan-

COMMENT:
Damn! that man was arrogant.

Karma

2009-09-22T17:51:00.004+08:00

'Karma' is an Eastern religious concept in contradistinction to 'faith' espoused by Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam), which view all human dramas as the will of God as opposed to present - and past - life actions. In Eastern beliefs, the karmic effects of all deeds are viewed as actively shaping past, present, and future experiences. The results or 'fruits' of actions are called karma-phala

source : Wiki.com

The funny thing about karma is because everybody think of it as an action-reaction thing.For example when you do something good then you'll get something good in return from life, maybe from this life or the next. And I said Okay I could live with that, It's cool to be rewarded if you do something nice, you spread love and you get love, that's the kind of world we should live in.

But just like harvey dent and all the things in the world, karma is a two-faced concept.

there's a good karma, and then there's the bad karma. and this is where it all got messed up
(FYI I'm on rehab, so i stopped using the word F*cked up).

why?

In the concept of karma, it is believed that if you do something bad then it'll came to hunt you one day. Let's say that you trick someone for their money, and someday maybe someone will trick you for yours, even though it's not always in the same setting but it'll end on you loosing your money in whatever the process are.

Now let's stop talking about you shall we, instead think of What'll happened to the people who tricked you because of your karma? is it just another bad karma for him, that by tricking you for your karma someday people will trick him too and so on? This is the concept of karma that i can't agree on, because if it does then hate will be some kind of a never ending chained-reaction and this chain can never be stopped, and karma will go from one bad karma to another bad karma to infinity, and i'll be damned to be living in the world like that.

And so I belief that The bad things people Do as a result of something bad you did in the past are somekind of a reward as a good deed he had done in the past, or maybe just some kind of a good act in a sick kind of way that'll end up in him getting his good karma reward in the future.

And so from now on i'll keep an open mind of whatever things i do. if i do a good thing then so be it, i'll expect nothing more but a good thing that'll waiting for me in the next corner of the future. But if i do something bad to somebody, maybe the looser deserve it from me as his bad karma from the past, or it's something i deserve to do because a good deed i did in the past.
For the sake of world's peace i won't expect nor think otherwise about this "karma".

"I am the punishment of God. If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you."

-Genghis Khan-

QQ

2009-09-20T22:53:00.004+08:00

"Here's to a long life and a merry one
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer and another one!"

-Irish Saying-

Cool Cursing

2009-09-18T23:19:00.004+08:00

Did you noticed that when we're cursing we tend to use a languange that's Not familiar to us?
We think it's okay because it doesn't sound cruel,nor dirty, nor harsh..rather it really is kinda cool right?

But it's not.

The meaning still's the same, the foul of the word and their meaning are still the same, it's crap and nothing is cool about it.

Don't belive me?

try this :

Ah... Fuck it. You wouldn't understand it anyway.
You've still got a lot to learn my friend.

sincerely,

"the righteous snob"

if you convert it to nice indonesian it'll sound just like this :
Ah... Ngentot lah. Loe gak akan ngerti juga Loe masih harus banyak belajar temanku.

tertanda
"si sok tahu"

sounds fucked up right? yeah it is

another example

All about my dick.... ....

I love my dick, but i have keep it in my pants to keep me out of trouble.

...

And just like my dick, my feelings will go down and disappear by time.

and in indonesian it'll be something like this

Semua tentang tititku ....
Aku sayang titit-ku tapi aku harus menyimpannya di celana ku untuk menghindarkan aku dari masalah
...
Dan seperti titit-ku, perasaan juga akan menciut dan hilang seiring waktu

I don't say that we shouldn't curse when we feel like it, but we should ALWAYS be aware that we are using a foul word.

You know in real life people are like that, they always did something what they think is cool because foreign society think it's okay (e.g. like bullying the weak kid or the nerds as extreme example, or a just a plain unapropriate hair cut or clothes.)

but in reality?

crap is crap.

it's the same piece of fucking-idiotic-crap that only a dickfaced-sons of bitches-crap eating faggots do and the sad thing is?the are not aware that it's Uncool and bad..

AWARNESS people!! WAke up!!

Remmember him?

2009-09-13T21:49:00.002+08:00

FAITH THROUGH GOD

Reverse racism

2009-09-13T11:43:00.004+08:00

Did you noticed that the issue of racism usually blooms at the western hemisphere? it's like they are the one who make God-made diversity in Men become something bad. But history tells that they are the first people who brings the issue of racism, like apartheid politics, and if you recall something about monkey-gene Nazi theory?
That means, we are the "lower" race compared to them, and we (asian, africans) blame the arian people for their idea and sense of race-superiorty taht leads to racism. And we hated them for that period. But as time goes along changes are made, the long history of racism made the westerner more sensitive about this kind of thing, and maybe because we made them look and feel bad about this. For example in the USA, nowadays people don't call someone "blacks", "white", "negro", as it used to be done in the past, instead they use african-american (noticed that they use "american" for equality even though they are different in race.).
But did you noticed that we asians are more racist then they are? But our racism is different from their's
Ours is more.......Stupid and fucked up.
We're a racist race, we tend to differ other people in our own race. dont't belive me? here's an example : Can you differ javanese and sundanese, or sumatranese if they walk through you in the streets? the answer is NO. But did you noticed that if you're javanese and your daughter fell in love and will marry sundanese people, you'll notice that there are words inside your head or if God forbid you say it out loud "why do you marry that sundanese guy?they are stingy,proud, dishonest people,etc. I think you should look for javanese man because we are better, look at your father,and his father before him and their fathers, and so on." If you're denying this then you are lying to yourself.
And this is the stupid and fucked up part
Asians tend to differ their own race to other race in a lower kind of style. For example with Indonesian and the arabs. Subconciously indonesian always think arabs are better, they treat them like kings, while they shit on their own people.

Well, not all asians are like that, just like not any westerner are racist but this thing happend subconciously and when this does the one whit the issue of "reverse racism" will always be the inferior one compared tho those who goes with the "racism".

Best Biography ever!!

2009-09-11T22:27:00.004+08:00

Darwin awards 2

2009-09-11T00:19:00.002+08:00

Ismail ibn Hammad al-Jawhari (died ca. 1003–1010), a Muslim Kazakh Turkic scholar from Farab, attempted to fly using two wooden wings and a rope.

He leapt from the roof of a mosque in Nijabur and flew for some time before eventually falling to his death.

Not an islamic nation

2009-09-10T23:55:00.004+08:00

This is a video link that i got from one of the thread on Virus's blog I hope you guys enjoy this movie, it has a controversial subtitle, but it really is something to think and reflect about.

Watch this movie

Comment:

Is this video debatable? The answer is NO.
according to the UUD 1945 and Pancasila Ideology, Indonesia is a REPUBLIC who support and guarantee it's citizen's freedom of choosing their religion as they see fit. This is final and will never change unless a revolution is done. It's only because of the stupid act of some people (and the ignorance of our goverment) that uses an autonomy as an excuse to make radical theocratical rules such as Syariah law. It's not even made from indonesian language for God's sake.

P.S to all of you hipocrite and radicals..Please don't kidnap me or send some of you crazy-ass goons to do a suicide bombing on my house.This is nothing but the truth and if you can't handle this get your ass somewhere else beside INDONESIA -____-"

I'm a doctor and i can sue you!

2009-09-10T22:49:00.002+08:00

This is a story of my friend when he was expecting his first child at Tarakan Hospital, East borneo. FYI he's a MD and he's real good at delivering babies, but when it came down to his baby..he does't feel so sure anymore. And so he dicided to take his wife to a better hospital which has an Obstetrician, just in case something happened during the delivery process and needed a C-Section.
And so he went to tarakan when his wife is due to date and waiting for the signs of labor.
When he arrived at the hospital, he just like any other doctors hide his identitiy as a doctor, so he did the usual drill of registration-administration-physical exam-room registartion, etc. and so when the labor process began and his wife (like any other first-timer mother) is in alot of pain because of the contraction, the midwives who's in charge of the observation consult the Obstetrician for the next action,and since the Obstetrician is in a usual state of "On The Way" the consult is done via phonecall.

But this is the fucked up part.

The midwives without doing any examination report the case as a Prolonged labor, and the crazy-ass obstetrician said that a C-section must be done.
But my friend objects the decision and asked why should a C-section be done?what's the indication?why can't his wive gone through a normal labor? and my friend insisted on waiting for the Obstetrician to come and to do his examination first before taking a decision for surgery.
But as crazy as it is the midwives started to justified their action by making up a theory about what is a normal labor, that this is dangerous, and the a crazy theory about C-section,etc.
After a long debate my friend finally had a breakdown and he began to shout saying "don't bullshit me! I'm a doctor, I delivered many babies before and this case don't need a C-section! For Godsake you didn't even examine my wife!" and so he use his rubber sterile gloves, and lead the labor himself, and his wife deliver his child just in 3 pushes.

You know, I can't stop thinking that this kind of things happened everday, but not all people in our society is a doctor right? so maybe a commoner will agree on doing the C-Section according to the Midwive's stupid judgement on their theory of the so-called-prolonged-labor.

The morale of the story
1. Doctors! don't belive anything your subordinates tells you until you check on patient yourselves..For God's sake It's your ass who'll be sued if you fucked up because of them.
2. In treating a patient remmember to ALWAYS think that everyone is wrong and stupid until proven otherwise. Seniorty doesn't count!
3. what's with all the bullshit of hiding your identitiy as a MD, if it's me, i'll put my profession as a MD so the don't mess me.
4. You never knew who's the next patient. what if this case happened to you? because of your ignorace, and your blinded-trust on your subordinate? remmember not everybody's a commoner and stupid.

But if this kinda things happend to me i think it'll be my worst nightmare when i hear someone shouting at my phone saying
" I'M A DOCTOR AND I CAN SUE YOU!"

Stupid books 1

2009-09-06T23:46:00.003+08:00

COMMENT:
*LOL*

a Reminder.

2009-09-06T20:20:00.005+08:00

Where should I go from here?....

Loneliness and soltitude ,
my eyes sees it's the same
but my heart tells the difference between them

lost and wounded,...
my friends told me lies to cheered me up
my enemies mocked me to remind me how to get up

Do you know where to go from here?

Don't judge me because you can't see
Don't tell me because you can't listen
Don't order me because you can't act
Don't hurt me because you can't feel

Because I walk tall
because i know i will get there,...

Stars as my map,
Wind as my guide,
Guilt and moral as my tutor,
Passion as my supporter,
Sun as my Torch,
The running river as my music,...

I embark to seek,
I stand to see,

What the world has to offer for a little drifter like me

Even the prettiest flower will die in time,
Even the strongest rock in the sea drowned of loneliness,

From a billion years old star,
To a firefly that blinks shortly before it dies,
Big and small, we all carry our own Light to share to the World

It's not a perfect world, i see
but the way we all try to make it perfect,
makes it better than perfect,
it's beautiful...

QQ

2009-09-06T14:20:00.003+08:00

"do You Know the irony of human lives?No matter how hard we try, we'll never get out of this life alive."

-wongky-

The Room

2009-09-05T20:51:00.003+08:00

Lying in bed, I was asking myself, what are some of the secrets of success in life? I found the answers right there, in my very room.
The fan said: be cool.
The roof said: aim high.
The window said: see the world.
The clock said: every minute is precious.
The mirror said: reflect before you act.
The calendar said: be updated.
The light said: shine as bright as you can.
The wall said: stand firm.
The door said: push hard for your goals

M-eq, a lost equation in evolution

2009-09-03T23:42:00.006+08:00

Did you ever see a beautiful woman walking hand-in hand with a good looking guy? well i have.
and did you ever see a beatiful woman walking hand-in-hand with an ugly dude? well i sure have.

maybe you've seen it in the mall, in the road, hell i've seen or this phenomenon here in the middle of nowhere.

I always think that God almighty is a fair entity so He made human relationship to be "balanced". i called this "mating equations" in short M-eq

example of M-eq :
an 8 scored woman could be coupled with a 2-5 scored guy so the average face of their children will make an (8+2)/2 = 5 for minimum.
or an average 6 scored woman could be coupled with a 4-6 scored guy so the average face of their children will make an (6+4)/2 = 5 for minimum.

I think this is an important mechanism that darwin himself failed to notice in his so-called-great theory of evolution.
why? because if you let mating of humans running wild without it's natural "defence mechanism (M-eq)" humans will probably extinct because people
will be so ugly that they can't do sexual intercourse anymore. (and it is widely belived that this is what happened to dinosaurs,dodos and other extinct animals)

okay if you follow the logic continue reading, and if you don't, go back to elementary school coz ur brain obviously haven't evolve.

BUT there's always an exception of a theory. The M-eq doesn't apply in a couple of good looking man with an ugly girlfriend.
why you asked? because it is not possible..mating in this way will be counterproductive. just look around you
as rich as a woman can be if she's ugly (public-opinions-ugly, personal doesn't count) men will avoid her or will just be using her for her money.
the same thing doesn't apply to women.
A beautiful women can actually love and mate with an ugly dude. this is a paradox in the theory of evolution and M-eq and the reason for this
is still unknown untill now. many M-eq scientist predict because men's evolution concentrated in the "lower" part of the body and women vice versa, so
women can mate by using her brain and men simply his dick.

For thousands of years this theory have been cleverly hidden in children's story and latter popularized by a M-eq genius,walt disney.
did you notice that there are never a story of an ugly women who gets her prince charming without changing into a beautiful princess FIRST?
okay here's a few examples:

1. beauty and the beast; notice how belle can love beast because of his kind heart?and not his ugly beast faced? imagine if the story are reversed.
this won't be a romantic story anymore, what'll happend is that the good looking prince will cut-off the ugly princess head off and claims victory (conan the barbarian style)

2. Sleeping beauty; how did you think the story'll end if it became "the sleeping ugly"? after beating the dragon guarding the castle the prince-charming will see the ugly princeess sleeping
and he will stab her silly in her heart mistaken because he is afraid that this is the last hideous monster and thinking it'll be a good idea to kill it while it sleeps. and it's just be sad story to tell.

3. Rapunzel ; after climbing using her hair(obviously prince-charming will climb up because in a high tower nobody could see rapunzel's face from below rite?)
and the prince just noticed that she's ugly as hell up close, he will be so shocked, wet his pants, loose his grip and fell 39-stories high, and blow his brains out.

4. Frog prince; Try to change it to "frog princess" this can never be a story because the frog princess will never meet a prince who will kiss her EVER and eventually she'll die of old age or cooked and eaten by peasants.

etc.

I could go on all night with this evidence but you can see the reality for yourself look around you and you'll see this bizzare yet important phenomenon.
explore! learn and embrace the M-eq! and pray that your future daughter is not public-opinions-ugly coz mutation do happened.

vive la evolucion!

a picture of human evolution.
http://sugarmegs.org/posternutbag/evolution-of-man.jpg

chuck's facts

2009-09-02T20:54:00.003+08:00

I know this is a little bit old, maybe you have read it somewhere but no matter how much i've read this facts, It still funny as hell!

1. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

2. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of sur2prise.

3. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

4. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

5. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

6. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
-> my favorite

Me the undearchiever?

2009-09-02T20:10:00.002+08:00

Have You ever wake up in the morning thinking what on earth are you doing on wherever you are now? or feeling miserable seconds before you went to sleep because you haven't done anything today? have you ever think that you are more than what you achieved now? like you are destined for something great but you live a shitty mediocre life?

I have.

And I used to think that i'm one of those underachiever in life..i've got potentials, I've got the resource, and most of all I USED to have a dream but somewhere along life i decide to quit dreaming..
When life give me its first blow, it hit me harder and faster than any martial arts artist can do.. I was forced down on my knees, standing crippled, and forced to take the things that life offered to me instead the things that i want. and so i'm stuck here doing nothing,feeling sorry for myself, regreting the things i should've done, things that shoud have been.
Working and routinity is a bad thing in life i guess, because its like a nasty toxin that kills your dreams slowly unpainfully. You are forced to think that the world can be no better, it makes you afraid to quit and get out of your comfort zone, it makes you bitter and afraid.
but you know what? by realizing this everday i know i'm alive, i stopped crying, because i realized Maybe just maybe will never be all the things that i want to be but now is not the time to cry now's the time to find out why.
I guess I am not an underachiever but just a coward..
Tick..Tock..Tick..Tock.. the time just won't fucking stop.

"...But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that.."
-Rocky Balboa-

darwin award

2009-09-01T19:32:00.002+08:00

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of
the human genome by honoring those who
accidentally remove themselves from it...

(January 23, 1978) Legendary Chicago guitarist Terry Kath was an avid collector of guns. One week before his 32nd birthday, he brought several of his metal friends to a party along with his wife. After the party broke up, he began to play with his guns.

First he spun his .38 revolver on his finger, brought it to his temple, and pulled the trigger. Click! The gun was not loaded. Next he picked up a 9-mm semi-automatic pistol. The host of the party, unamused, asked him to stop. As Terry pulled the magazine from the weapon, he reassured him, "Don't worry it's not loaded." Then Terry raised the pistol… and put a bullet through his head in an one-man shootout.

This popular musician and long-time gun enthusiast forgot that an automatic automatically chambers a bullet, so removing the magazine does not disarm the weapon.

His death was classified an inadvertent suicide.

What's your Funeral will be like?

2009-09-01T18:40:00.007+08:00

I hate Funerals..period.
But i'm thinking what about MINE?will I hate it as much as I hate other funerals?
What if after death my soul stuck beside my body (or my ashes) and i watch my funeral..what'll it be like?

first off all I don't wan't to have a boring black and white photo of me looking stupid, especially Old-me. what i want is the picture of me in my 20's
in my best karate suit, putting a happy-go-lucky-fearless-stupid face on the photo.
I don't want a boring silent funeral, In MY funeral i want people to hear MY music, from the mellow to hardcore, and it'll be nice if there's a video
of me like in those particular wedding containing only the happiest momments of my life.
Flowers I'll definetly have alot of flowers i wanted to have a colorful funeral so there will be ALOT of flowers around my casket
And I want a funeral speech that isn't a boring one..i really think the best funeral speech is the one that'll make you laugh and cry at the same time..
O yeah I wan't a big banner above my casket saying "Why do you weep. Did you think I was immortal?"
I want everyone to say a final toast on the last day before my cremation, my favorite toast: “Here’s to wongky, May he live respected and die regretted”

In the end of the day I wan't people to remmember how i lived,how i sang, how i mad, how i cry,how i hate, how i loved, i wan't them to know
my youth, my dreams,my love so I'll continue to live even when God says "ok your time is up"

What's yours will be like?

QQ

2009-08-30T15:58:00.005+08:00

Forge Steel until you transforms it to needle.
-Indonesian martial arts saying-

Interpertation
When You hit someone don't stop until you change their shape. in short, No mercy.

Note
a quote that lived up to it's use in martial arts.

Quick Quotes

2009-08-29T23:15:00.003+08:00

Like A rice plant, the more it grows, the more it'll bow down
-Indonesian proverb-

interpertation:
like a rice plant The greater/smarter/richer/etc. a person become in life, he will always look down on other people.

Logic:
why else does the the plant "bow" if it don't want to "look down"??

Note:
another interpertation is just boring and crap.

digs the lyric -Live Forever- Oasis

2009-08-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

Maybe I don't really wanna know
How your garden grows cos I just wanna fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone

Maybe I just want to fly,
Wanna live, I dont wanna die
Maybe I just want to breathe
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I, we gonna live forever

I said maybe I don't really wanna know
How your garden grows cos I just wanna fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone

Maybe I will never be
All the things that I wanna be
But now is not the time to cry
Now's the time to find out why
I think you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
Were gonna live forever
Gonna live forever
Live forever
Forever

My life.

2009-08-29T21:45:00.001+08:00

6.00 a.m
My phone alarm rings, I wake up feeling like crap, Thinking "what the F**k am i doing here.." Cleaning my bed,taking a shower, having breakfast-while watching crappy news on TV
6.45 a.m
I do my daily reflection and sometimes if i feel like it a rosary prayer (YEAH I DO..)
7.20 a.m
I get on my bike, goin to the hospital (sometimes when it rains I curse the sky for awhile before i go..bastard..)
Arriving at the hospital giving fake smile to people i don't know, acting like everthings okay and doing the daily stupid routine every goverment employee does,a hand-cencored-absency machine,signing some papers, and do a forced colective praying Thinking "Stupid act..stupid pathetic people.."
8.00 a.m
Playing PES 2010 with some collagues in the E.R Lounge.
8.30 a.m
Clinic duty 20-30 pts/day if i'm lucky enough.pissed of by the stupid and lazy nurse at the clinic, doing some minor surgery, giving generic drugs, telling those psikosomatic people that life is beautiful and it's best if they accept it as they were (those loosers..)
12.00 p.m
Eating the same crappy food "Nasi-Sop" at the caffetaria, going to the meeting room rading some books, finishing some papers.
2.00 p.m
Go to the E.R to do my night shift w/3 nurses Saving lives they say..but in most of the day it's just another 18hours of clinic duty..Sore throat,Common cold,Dyspepsia,those common disesases, yeah sure sometimes I find cases like Pneumothorax,Hemothorax,Tendon rupture,Fractures,Prolonged labor,bleeding,etc but sometimes it just means more paperwork.
and if i'm lucky there's always some motherfuckers who came at 2.00 a.m w/ a sore throat thinking to abuse their health insurance, telling ME what to do..Yeah i give them something to remmember..Superduper expensive drugs.
8.00 a.m
waking up if i'm lucky to get some sleep. not taking a bath coz the water in the hospital is VERY clean, feeling pissed, still trying to do the fake smile, and do the routine all over again.
2.00 p.m
I go home, taking a bath,eat, dozed off
still thinking "what the f**k am i doing here!!" dreaming......

and the devil's triangle start all over again..